'Desperate' Housewives End Up Anything But

I just watched the series finale of Desperate Housewives, and one thing struck me as very interesting.  None of the housewives ended up ‘desperate’ at all.  In fact each and every one of them ended up not only rich and powerful, but apparently richer and more powerful than her husband.
  

It would be one thing if one or two of the housewives experienced this kind of modern feminist role reversal.  But all of them?  That's more than a hint of encouragement to young women watching.  Not a single housewife actually found happiness as, well, a housewife.  In the end each shed that identity, became the breadwinner, and moved on to other cities either alone with her doting supportive husband in tow.

In the last few seasons the housewives repeatedly bailed out their husbands from legal/ethical problems, ushered them into rehab when needed, paid their debts, ran their households, and bankrolled their households whenever called upon.  Not that the husbands were all schmucks by any means, but what does this invariable development say to the millions of viewers – both male and female?  Has our society really changed that much, or is the media pushing a slick sexy version of female revolution onto us?

Each of the women showcased in this show started out in upper middle class houses married to successful caring men and trying to find fulfillment as mothers, homemakers, wives.  Yet they all ended up as rich and powerful CEOs, politicians, entrepreneurs, breadwinners.  

To be fair, only two of the housewives remained married steadily through the entire series.  Widows and divorcees by usually must run their own households and become breadwinners (though Brie, Susan and Renee became more than a little bit successful on their own, once out from under their various husbands). I’ll highlight the stories of the two true “housewives” who remained married and leave out serial monogamists Brie, Susan, and Renee for the sake of brevity.

GABY

Gaby was the most desperate of the housewives from the get go.  She played the classic superficial model that landed a rich executive husband; she then proceeded to be a full-time snobby shopaholic and eventually wrestled with the emptiness and diamonds that came with her workaholic husband.  Motherhood eventually mellowed her a bit, and she learned responsibility when her hubby ended up in jail for corruption.  In the most recent season or two her husband wrestled with and beat alcoholism and then decided to quit the corporate gig to become a counselor.  Faced with sure poverty Gaby got the only job she could qualify for – a retail clerk at a local department store. 

Normally the story might end here, more or less happily ever after (morally, if not materially).  But no, Gaby is soooo good at shopping that she was immediately promoted from hourly clerk to VIP personal shopper where she began to rake in (apparently) huge commissions.  Like, the kind where all the sudden she is making at least as much as her ex-CEO husband.  As if that weren’t enough, in the final episode she gets a promotion to HEAD the VIP sales department.  In the wrap-up last scene viewers are informed that she went on to launch her own shopping website which led to a Home Shopping Network spot and she bought a mansion in LA where she and her husband “argued happily ever after.”

Well there’s a way to glorify being a materialistic shopaholic if I’ve ever seen one.  Oh wait – I have.  Remember Carrie from Sex and the City?  It’s ok!  Just be yourself!  Eventually a gorgeous man will love you for the materialistic consumer that you are and marry you – and you’ll probably go on to stumble into your own incredibly lucrative career anyway!

Lynette

This story is a bit different.  Two middle level executives meet at work and marry.  The wife gives up her career to be a mother even though she’s smarter than her husband and could have earned more (and their mutual contempt and resentment on the matter almost destroys the marriage more than once).  In fact she did start her own successful interior design business while married (his pizza parlor effort at entrepreneurialism flopped).

But that wasn’t enough of a statement to viewers.  In the last few episodes her husband loses his job, they reconcile their marriage, and then she gets a surprise job offer from an old friend.  Another housewife from earlier in the series struck it rich with a business idea while partying in France, of all things – and she needs a CEO to launch her American division.  Lynette takes the job, buys a penthouse in New York for her and her husband, and they live happily ever after. 

The other wives end up rich and powerful due to divorce settlements (Renee) and insurance settlements (Susan).  So each is granted endless options for independence and occupation.  Brie marries her wealthy attorney and goes on to foster a successful career in politics. 

The Message
Besides glorifying wealth as the path to happiness and success in life, I am concerned about the fact that it's becoming less acceptable for a woman to choose to be simply a wife and mother.  It almost seems like now if that is all you do it isn't enough.  You don't also run your own blog, direct your own charity, own your own business?  You're just a mom?

When did that become the alternative lifestyle?

New Job Update: Team Grows and Moves

It has been a couple of months since I posted about what is going on at my new job. In short, things are great! Our new office suite was finally finished and we moved in last week. Everything is so new and clean - and our offices are very centrally located so there is a lot of traffic around (and, with all glass walls, lots of pressure to keep things neat, sit up straight and generally always look professional - which I'm struggling with somewhat). It's fun and still kind of weird to get to decide things like where to put the coffee service, to what channel to tune wall TVs and what time we all want to come in and leave every day.

We hired a new assistant who started Monday. She came over from our old company (OK we poached her), so both my boss and I have worked with her for years and already know we'll get along well. She's a bit antsy since for the first time in 10 years she doesn't have hundreds of existing client accounts to help manage, but we'll have her busy in no time. She was surprised when her first assignment was to research and pick out whatever printer/scanner/fax/copier she would like us to buy. It's just the three of us in our new suite - three other team members (two of which are consumer/assistants and who were also just hired) will move to another location soon. What a cozy little department of 6 we make - which is crazy growth considering that I was the second team member hired and I only just started in January.

Oh, and I quit dating my colleague from another department - for now. It lasted about 6 weeks but recently got to the point where we were going to either need to get more serious or let things fade for now, and neither of us was really ready for a "Relationship," particularly due to the work situation. So for now we remain good work friends and still interact daily just fine. With a little secret. :)

Well I suppose that's enough work update for now. Wait, did I mention that I managed to move over my biggest client from my former employer and that I've already exceeded the production goals that were laid out for me for 2012? I really hit the ground running...it's strange to be so engaged at work and to be doing so well so quickly. I kind of keep waiting for the bottom to fall out and to not have any more leads in the pipeline. But the referrals keep coming in, old clients keep finding me, new colleagues are introducing me to their contacts...

In short - so far so good!

New Friend With a Different Perspective on Wealth

A new friend of mine seems to have a very different perspective than I do when it comes to money and wealth. As we have gotten to know each other, I've been surprised at the ways this comes to light and how it makes us react differently in situations.

I'll call my friend Bob. Bob and I have very similar jobs and (I assume) incomes. We live in the same neighborhood as well. You would think we would have similar tastes and views. But Bob traveled a very different road than I did to get where we both are now.

Bob grew up in a middle class family in the midwest. His parents were both union workers, and from what he has said they were provided for but there was never much extra to go around. He's worked since he was 13 years old, at least in the summers. He had many negative encounters with the "rich kids" and the "rich schools" which have shaped his perspective. He mentioned one situation where he qualified to play in a golf tournament at a local country club as a kid, but he and his father were turned away when he showed up without a collared shirt on. Other times he witnessed privileged kids head to the woods to smoke pot while he headed to work after school.

He struggled at first in college due to a mediocre public school education, but he out-worked his peers and ended up on the Deans list the last 6 semesters. Later he went on to get a scholarship to a top rate MBA program, though he still took out nearly 6 figures in debt to get that degree. Bob has worked hard all along the way to get everything he has, and he works several hours a day more than I do even though we have similar jobs and responsibilities. I wonder if he'll always feel he has something to prove.

Now Bob lives in Dallas surrounded by - in his view - ridiculously materialistic, entitled, overdressed, evangelical or faux-religious, small minded Southern conservatives who more often than not never had to work that hard and yet expect to be handed everything in life.

Part of his views on the wealthy are, I think, skewed by his overlapping experience with Southern culture. He was exposed to Southerners, wealthy folks, and entitled young MBA students all at once when he moved down here for school, and I pointed out that those three groups are sometimes separate and distinct. It's not just the rich folks down here who dress up for football games and church, are comfortable with what he describes as ongoing segregation, and join sororities and fraternities. Many Southerners are not actually bigots, despite traditions that sometimes exclude women (like the Masters). And as a Private Banker I can assure you that some of the most entitled preppy materialistic people out there actually don't have any wealth at all.

Most of you know my background which, while not overly indulgent, was certainly privileged. My family lived in rural Alabama without cable TV, luxury cars or designer clothes - but my grandparents provided for my private education all the way through college, and I was exposed to foreign travel and the arts as a child. I always knew how to act and was comfortable in the theater, in a country club, just as I was comfortable running around the woods barefoot, hanging out in the Wal-Mart parking lot on Friday nights and eating lunches at the Dairy Queen. In a small town the rich folks and poor folks all talk the same, go the same churches, cheer at the same high school football games. Plus I was "rich" but didn't really know it - my parents were very down to earth and didn't value materialism, as they grew up poor themselves. So I kind of can see "Privilege" from both sides.

Last night Bob and I talked for almost 3 hours about all these issues. I was fascinated, appalled, defensive, and surprised by many of his opinions. He said he "simply doesn't relate" to "those people" - meaning those who wear expensive clothes and grew up with money and go to country clubs and had their educations handed to them. That's fine and understandable except that his tone and emphasis seem to go further - he seems actually bitter and even hateful toward those people, not merely indifferent (at times in conversation - not publicly of course). He seems to take pride in rejecting materialism, in working hours longer than he needs to, in bashing those who simply were born with a bit more than he had.

I challenged him to figure out why he has such an aversion to those with money, things that cost money, and places that require money. He loves golf, for instance, and plays regularly - yet he claims to hate country clubs and everything they represent. He hates those who care about expensive clothes and dress up for innocuous events, though he seems to appreciate my look just fine (not to mention that he regularly looks pretty sharp himself, as I'm sure do most of his MBA buddies and fellow bankers). He resents those who never had to work as hard as he did, but he readily admits that many of his colleagues and classmates who fit that bill are smart and normal and down to earth and deserving.

To sum up the paradox, he seems to truly dislike all the trappings of privilege and those who represent privilege as a group, but he seems to be simultaneously drawn to it and openly respects and pursues individuals who may embody all those same traits. (I mean, he continues to value friendship with me, after all, and I possess pretty much everything he professes to reject!).

Anyway we argued and discussed and pondered and eventually came to the conclusion that one's childhood experiences and a few memorable encounters can really shape strong stereotypes. He wrestles just like I did - and still do - with the fact that where he came from is a very different place, that he has propelled himself into a world of privilege and disposable income and free time to enjoy it all. Perhaps accepting too much of what his parents and childhood friends don't have access to would make him feel like he doesn't value his roots. I certainly relate to that guilt, that occasional feeling that I might be taking it all for granted.

He admits that his aversion to wealth isn't entirely rational, just as I admit that it certainly is appropriate in some ways. I mean there ARE a lot of unbearable entitled yuppies in this town. And wealth - specifically materialism - can change your values if you let it. What's important to both of us is that people can step back and analyze their prejudices and realize that generalizing isn't always advantageous. And as long as we can both do that and keep the dialogue open, I think we'll continue to get along just fine.

New Job Update - Meeting Goals, Adding Responsibilities

I have been in my new job for over two months now, and I have been incredibly busy - and productive - which is part of the reason my posting frequency has declined over the last few months.

But things are going great! And as of last week, I have already met my production goals for the entire year. :) Of course I'm not about to relax - my team could double our bonus if we meet the stretch goal, which is 133% of our actual goal. And we fully intend to do so.

I am relieved that starting from scratch to build a new portfolio of clients has not been as difficult as I'd anticipated. I've been able to get new clients from my own referral sources, to convince former clients to move with me, and to generate referrals from my new colleagues on the commercial side by getting to know them and their clients. It is new for me to be truly busy every single day with calls to return, people to take to lunch, questions to ask, new policies to research. But I feel so much better because I know I'm learning and achieving and exceeding expectations.

Also my new role comes with a lot more responsibility. I'm going to be interviewing and helping to select our administrative staff; I've been asked to give my opinions on our website and marketing materials; I have a much larger expense account to manage and dole out. It has been great to step up and define the boundaries myself and help be a formative part of creating our team and its brand so far. It's really making time fly by though.

Oh, and of course getting used to my new salary has been quite nice as well. It's been awhile since I had to set new goals and figure out just where to direct the money I have coming in.

I am also still trying to develop relationships with all my new colleagues and stay in touch with old ones. Plus I have made a few new friends outside of the office that are keeping me busy, particularly now that the weather is nice. Everyone wants to go out all the time, whether to a patio, pool or to exercise! Not to mention that I have been dating a bit as of late, as one of my recent posts indicated...

All in all it is shaping up to be a great year after all! I wasn't so sure a few months ago, but I am glad I made it through the rough patch to get to where I am today.

Disgusted by the Morbidly Obese on "Fat and Fatter"

I just finished watching a documentary called Fat and Fatter, and I was alternately fascinated and disgusted - as are most of the people who watch these shows about incredibly ridiculously morbidly obese people (since such a distinction now seems necessary as there are so many who are "morbidly obese" now). It's probably why so many of these shows are now on the air and seem to be gaining popularity. Maybe watching the SUPER CRAZY fat people make the rest of us mildly chubby Americans feel good about ourselves by comparison.

The premise of the show revolves around two young fat women from England who can't find the motivation to lose weight. Both these girls are obese and weigh 280-375 pounds, but they seem like skinny health nuts next to the morbidly obese Mississippians they get to know throughout the show.

They go to live with this obese family in Mississippi for a week or so, and these self-proclaimed food addicted fat English women are repeatedly traumatized and horrified by the 500+ pound women who cannot dress themselves, cannot feel their feet, cannot walk 20 yards, cannot physically tolerate the taste of any vegetable, and who douse all their food with mounds of salt and butter and syrup/honey/sugar despite spending 12+ hours a week on dialysis so the machine can clean their blood so that they can stay alive for another week to go on keeping the junk food manufacturers in business. They even take a field trip to a graveyard and cry about all their obese relatives and how young they all died.

None of the "fatter" Mississipians seem to care about their behavior or want to change it. They admit feeling bad or guilty now and then - like when another obese relative dies - but one women states honestly that she just doesn't think about her Aunt when it's time to eat. When asked what her diabetes doctor would say about her diet, another "fatter" woman looks up from her stew of biscuits, butter and syrup long enough to give the devil eye to the girl who questioned her as she takes another dripping bite.

These "fatter" women are merry through much of the show, laughing and crowing and welcoming their foreign guests. They treat them to their favorite all you can eat buffet (only $6 for over 250 food options), to their weekly family cook out feast, to a "traditional" Southern meal consisting of things like pigs feet and ears. They almost seem likable at times, but they never come across as sympathetic characters. All they do is eat and sleep and struggle to treat their resulting ailments.

These women are KILLING themselves. They support themselves with Social Security disability - paid for by our tax dollars. Their endless medications and diabetes treatments are offered up courtesy of Medicaid I'm sure. They sit around and gorge themselves on cheap disgusting nutrient-less junk food - which are manufactured by companies who are directly subsidized by our government. And they don't even give a damn! They are laughing and eating and lying around in their own filth - literally - because they don't even fit into showers. It's like watching people on unemployment go on lavish shopping sprees instead of look for a job. I'm sorry I can't hug or encourage or attempt to help people like that, as the girls in the show attempt to do.

I just don't even know what to say. I guess this is just one more fat ring on the vicious spiral of poverty, obesity, ignorance and government dependence that is killing our country one citizen at a time, one family at a time, one community at a time. And as it spreads it becomes normal, and policy makers and educators seem powerless to stop it. Whatever "it" is - it is literally killing us.

My Crazy Automatic Net Worth Growth Rate

I came to a shocking realization last week when I started adding up all the ways my net worth is growing. Without even taking into account regular savings or extra debt payments, my net worth is increasing automatically by nearly $4,000 a month.

That is over $45,000 per year.

Here is the breakdown:
Mortgage principal reduction - $13,150
Car loan principal reduction - $7,380
401k Contributions - $17,000
401k Match (3%) - $3,030
LLC Interest Payments Received (my share) - $5,004

I am also saving $1,500 a month in cash, so my net worth should increase by at least $63K this year (barring stock market fluctuations). But all of the above items are happening automatically, with zero effort on my part. I am just stunned by this for some reason; it's a calculation I've never done before. Just a few years ago I was only making $45,000 a year as a new member of the working world - and now my net worth is going up by that much every year!

Obviously a lot of that growth is simply because I have a lot of debt that is amortizing - and net worth isn't everything. Still, it's kind of reassuring to know that my net worth is ticking gradually upward no matter what I do (as long as I make my payments and don't suspend my 401k contributions of course).

I am truly grateful and surprised by how quickly my financial position has improved since I graduated from college.

Discrimination or Prudent Hiring Practice?

Many employers will not consider applicants who have been unemployed for long periods of time. This has always been the case of course, but in the boom years with unemployment rates at rock bottom, there was good reason to be wary of anybody who hadn't managed to keep or get a job for years on end.

Now that unemployment rates have been hovering just under 10% for the third year in a row, though, more and more "normal" people are finding themselves out of work for months, even years. Still, employers seek to fill positions with those who already have jobs most of the time - or at least with those who haven't been unemployed for long.

Millions of disgruntled unemployed would-be workers are now crying "discrimination," and more than a few states have now introduced legislation to try to curb the most blatant displays of this hiring bias. Specifically, the new laws are designed to prohibit employers from openly discriminating against the unemployed in help-wanted ads or in direct hiring or in screenings by employment agencies.

Unemployed people aren't a federally protected group like homosexuals or those with disabilities; therefore the laws can't prevent employers from refusing to hire somebody who has been unemployed for X number of months. However lawmakers don't want employers openly advertising the fact that they won't consider those applicants, for some reason. That seems kind of pointless to me since those companies are likely to continue not to hire employees for whatever reason they want.

Do you think it's a bad thing that some companies are refusing to consider applicants with more than 6 or 12 months of an employment gap? Recruiters are arguing that they are plagued with thousands of applications for every opening and have to narrow the field somehow. Isn't that just as good of a metric to use as anything on a resume? Or do you think it's wrong in this economy to evaluate people based on their work history (or lack thereof)?